Okay so this is going to be the first for me. I really have no idea how to start this blog for many reason. Yet, I am sure you do not need to know those reason. As I am typing this, I keep on thinking 3 more days, than Monday will be here and that will be the morning that will change the rest of my life. On November 3rd I am having my surgery. I am not sure if I updated all of you on the date but 2 weeks ago when I had a follow up with the surgeon we picked the date. For some reason I always knew that November 3rd would be date of my surgery. I also know that something is going to happen to me on November 15th. I am not sure but each time I say that date outloud or in my head, I feel something inside of myself that I can not explain. I also know that November 22nd is also going to be another day I will not forget.
Life has been great. This year has been one of the best years I could ask for. My whole life I wanted to look for who I was as a person. I get to know my self a little better each and every day. There are things in my life that I am no longer carring on my shoulder. The weight has been lifted. I feel like I do not care anymore what others say to me. I learned that I have to brush it off. Some things will still upset me but I have realize that what ever happens, I am still me, and I still love the people around me and that they are just looking out for my best interest. I could not ask for better friends and family.
The support with the surgery has been amazing. I wish there was little bit more of support by a certain someone but I could care less right now. My whole life I always felt like I was not being supported emotionaly from my family. Which right now it is total opposite. I know most of my cousins do not know that I am going through with this but that is fine. They will know eventually.
As selfish as this is, I need to start caring about me, cause if I do not do it now. I never will. Its time to be the person I always knew that was on the inside. In this life, I need to think of my health and get in the pattern of eating right, exercising and gain more confidence in myself. Many know in my life that I have struggeled with being liked and being loved. Over the years, I realized I am loved even when someone you love does not say it enough or not at all. I also realized I am very much liked and that I should stop trying to be liked and just let what ever happens…happen.
I am finally Happy. Even after all the blogs I wrote that I was happy when really I probably was not. Yet now in this life of mine. I am Happy. Truely Happy. I know more happiness will come along the way, and I may think differently than. But right now in this moment, I am Happy to be where I am. Happy to be who I am now. I stopped searching for that person that I thought I was going to be or thought that was who I was going be.
It is time to start this new journey in life, even though I know there is going to be a lot hurdles to jump over or climb. I know in 2009, I am going to be a whole completely different person, by looks and even personality. I feel I am going to be more outgoing. I know my life is not going to be perfect or the way that I want it to be or go. But what ever comes my way. You definetly know that I am going jump in feet first, and try my luck at whatever it is.
~ Lesha
PS: here is a new song that I love. The group is called Boyce Avenue they are doing a cover of Coldplay “Viva La Vida” He has a great voice. :)
Mysterious Writer 