It is about 1:10am on August 4, 2008. I honestly am sitting at my computer desk not really sure how to start this blog. It has been a little over a week since the last blog about “Love.” For the past couple days I have been in my apartment alone, like I am always. Alone. I had a very good friend stop by my place on Saturday. Its been a while since I had seen him. But I talk to him at least 2 times a week. I feel he knows I need a friend. I think He is waiting for the right moment for me to tell him what is on my mind. He is the soul mate of my life as in friends. I know he will always be here for me, when I ask him for help. He was there back in High School when I was going through a rough time, and thinking about suicide. I am grateful to have him in my life. He is one great friend that I will forever charish.
As I sit here. I have to sometimes wonder about life. I was told one time and I may have blogged about this too, a long time ago. Someone once told me, “Alesha, When you question your life, and where you are at right now in life. You are exactly where you need to be.” I have stopped questioning life. Like everyone else should. I always thought I would be this prodigale child, where I would get up and leave everything behind to try and search of who I was as a person. I look at myself differently than what others may look at me, such as my friends, and my family. Life is great right now, but I am tiered of coming home to something that feels so empty, something that has no excitement. I love being at work and laughing with the girls that are around my desk. I have been told it is quite boring when I am not there. That makes me feel great. :) I than think of my family cause I feel they do not get to see the sarcastic side of me or me making jokes and making people laugh. I wonder if my family actually knows this side of me.
My life is very different than what my friends lead and what my family leads in more ways than one. Its very content, quiet, and free. I love life, yet I know I have so much more to experience than what my friends have already lead, and same with my family. My life has changed so much that it is now very hard to remember the past. I guess that could be a good thing too. :) Sometimes when someone says something to me, it does bring back some of my past that I wish I could forget or if it could just erase out of my mind. its like an old vhs tape where you can watch it over and over. When someone says something sometimes I can go back to that part in my mind and picture it clearly what I was doing, wearing, and saying and who was all in it.
Which brings me to a happy time that shocked my mom and brother. I was laying on the couch it was blue and checkered. My brother was on the floor laying on his back while my mom sat in the blue chair. My mom was helping my brother on a social studies test for school. I was in the 2nd grade I think, my brother was in the 5th grade. There was a question about How many presidents signed the decleration of independence or something like that…I can not remember what the question was but I was listening. I said the answer was 4. It was the correct answer and my brother said 5. My mom asked me How I knew that answer..I just replied. I don’t know..just a guess.
Then I went back to watching TV. Many memories. Many wonder why I can not forget something. I remember doing things at the age of 4 where my grandpa would be in the garage sepperating the nails. I would hope up on the stool and talk to him. I remember playing in the back yard of my grandparents home where there was this stumped from a tree being cut down. My cousins and I would always play on it. I remember how my grandparents house looked like before they moved from that one. I remember seeing my aunt and uncle still living at home with my grandparents. I remember standing near the phone and it rang and it freaked me out cuase I was not ready for it and ran straight to my mom with tears in my eyes. I was 4 at the time too I think. Than my family laughed. I remember many things when i was younger but my teenage years are pretty much a blur when I was with my family ‘specially with my brother and mom cause of all the fights we had. I think it had something to do with the medication I was on and me also being depressed cause of the medication.
What ever happened than with my mom and my brother is one of the big things that is now becoming a blur. I am happy for that. I never want to relive it. It is now almost 1:45am and I am still going to write till I feel this blog is done.
Many wonder what my passion in life is. My passion in life is to be a writer, someone who also works with famous people. I remember back when I was younger that I would be sitting or laying on the floor even on my bed writing away and making up stories. When I would make up a story I would even try to draw people of what they were doing in the story. My other passion is Guitars. I can kinda play but I want to be a big collector of Guitars. I saw my first Guitar at the age of 2 I believe when my mom, and brother were in California. I could have been 5, too. My first keyboard was at age 6, it was red, and a christmas gift from my dad/father. I think that is what started my love and passion for music and writing. I think it also came to be about the fact that I could never comprehend a book that I was reading, but I could always comprehend what I was writing. A High School teacher one time told my mom during parent-teacher confrences. “Alesha has a great hand at writing. It always makes sense, even if there are a lot of run-on sentences. Alesha puts herself in the Character, I see. That is what makes a great writer. Alesha could one day be a great writer if she really wanted to be.”
Many dreams. Many memories.
This is all for this blog its now almost 2am my time but this blog is stating something different. LOL :)
Love, ~ Lesh.
Mysterious Writer 