R.I.P Walter Earl 11/2/26 – 7/10/08

           Today I spent time with my family. Family that I have not seen in quite a while. My father was there, he did not know I was coming. I came over with my Aunt Susie. I thought my father knew I was coming over. It was great seeing them. It was really hard for me to bring up a conversation with them. And I sat there thinking a little bit, too. Like are they going to ask me how I am or What I do for a living this far?  They really did not ask. I am like I am wanting to get to know my family and to me it was just kinda accword. I will see them again though with in the next couple weeks or about a month.

       I learned some things about my grandpa but not a whole lot. I am learning that to get to know this family of mine, its going to be a pain in my ass, cause I feel that I am suppose to bring everyone back together. I also feel that I am going to be the glue to this family that is going to hold everyone together. I also learned that to get my family to open up, that you, yourself is going to have open a can of Ass. Scream at each other, do what ever it takes just to get them talking again. What ever happens in the end, happens. What ever happens between me and my father after this. That will tell me if he is actually wanting to be a dad and not a father cause than maybe he will get all his closure shit together and be the man that I know he can be. That is just me.

       As much as I sometimes dislike my family, I love them because I at least tried to get to know them and vice versa but I know everything at the end will tell me what I am suppose to know. When will that be? I am not sure, but I would love some closure in my life. Where I can move on and not worry about my past and all the thoughts that I have about my family.

     Well, this is the end of the Blog… Rest In Peace my Grandpa Walt. 11/2/26 – 7/10/08

~ Alesha

Dad – Why Bother??

O’kay most of you know how my dad is. My dad is basically a jerk to me, always has been since I was a kid or since I can remember. For the past month my Grandpa, (my dad’s dad) has had 3 heart attacks, a bypass, gone through speech therapy, a couple possible small strokes. Well this past Thursday my grandpa has had another Stroke. My dad aka my father decided to call my brother to tell my brother the news, but decided not to call me. ‘Hmmm,’ is my thought cause well my brother “Bob” does not know that side of the family as much as I do. It also hurts my feelings to see my father go and tell my brother this info with out calling me, and I had called my mom the day that she found out about my grandpa to see what she was up to, so i found out the news through her.

I decided to call my father asking him, ‘Why.’ I basically did not ask him why, becuase I knew if I did, I could probably give my father another heart attack, which oh by the way he did not tell me and my brother, I found out by argueing with him one day. Yeah, real smart of him, Huh? So this past month my father decided to tell me what has been going on with my grandpa to which I probably have only seen him 5 times, and talked to him on the phone, oh about 4-5 times, last time I talked with him was a little over a year ago. My Grandpa probably has only contacted me and ‘Bob’ about 4 times in our life when we were under the age of 14. He never sent us anything or called us on our birthdays but my family such as my aunts, and uncles, plus my father to call him on his birthday. The first time I found out about his birthday was 4-5 years ago. I called him on his birthday, and he had to ask me for my name and ask me who I was. I had to state I was Roger’s girl. He was in great health 5 years ago, only was diabetic. Which I guess you could say not so great of health but he could hear well, and he spoke well. We talked for an hour catching up on things. A LOT of things. We basically talked about our love for Music. That is one call I will never forget, but in the end, it hurt my Aunt Suzi, cause she only got to talk with him for about 15 minutes. Her Dad(my grandpa) is the same way that my father is to me. I think my grandpa enjoyed the call from me.

I will miss my Grandpa even though I did not know him well. I just have this weird bond connection with him. I can fill it in me. I know his first wife, my real grandmother, (my fathers mom) is here with me, all the time. I see her a lot, you look at a picture of her, than of me. We look a like, her name is Ruth.  I never new my grandma, just my grandma Yvonne.

As of Saturday July 5, 2008 the doctors gave my grandpa 5-7 days to live. He is breathing on his own, but he has no thought compacity left or brain wave left. He also can not remember who is, and he can not speak right now either. He is 82, his birthday is November 2nd, born in 1926.

Only God will know.

~ Alesha

……I do not understand my father’s side of the family, and I do not think I ever will. My father no longer contacts me. Which is another long story to get into cause he has his issues with me, and I have my issues with him, and there will never be a common ground between.