I honestly have no idea how to start out this blog for many reason becuase with in one month lots have already happened to me. Lets start out with the family. Lets go back to August 2, 2008. You may notice that I wrote a blog on August 4th and seen that I did not want to talk about my family. Well Part of this blog is going to be about this certain family member. A person that I am now just calling “My Sperm Donor.” Simple as that, Right?.
August 2nd was “My Sperm Donor’s” date of Birth. I had talked with him on the 1st because I was told by my mom or brother that he wanted us to come down to his place for his B-Day. Well I had the 2nd off already and I was planning on going but I decided not to. He did not like that. Reason why I did not go down I was sick with the big “D” so driving and having the big “D” I am not going cause with my stomach I will be pulling over every 30 minutes or so. Well than 8 days later it was my B-Day. Not one single call from him. So, I brushed it off my shoulders. Well the 20th of August came around. I called “My sperm Donor” to see when my Grandpa’s memorial service was. Well he did not answer his phone but I did not leave a message either. I than called my aunt to see if she knew, left a message on her cell. After I disconnected the call with that “My Sperm Donor” calls back. I answer it and the call goes like this:
Me: Hello? / Him: What do you want? / Me: Just calling to see when the Memorial service will be? / Him: Why do you even care? I asked you and your brother to come on my B-Day and you did not show. / Me: I am sorry I was sick / Him: Alesha, I am getting sick of all the excuses that you and brother use. / Me: They are not excuses. I am sorry I was sick. / Him: I can not afford to drive to you guys with gas and everything. I am tired of it all. You have not been down here in 4-5 years / Me: I have and we have lives dad. / Him: Alesha you so want me in your life than its time you come to me. I am sick of all the bickering, (than I cant remember what else he said with that cause he was talking so fast. So I sat and listened. Last thing he said this.) Him: Alesha, Why don’t You just change your last name to your mothers maiden name? / Me: I might just do that than.
Than the call was disconnected and “My Sperm Donor” hung up the phone. So that is that, My aunt called me back I told her what happened and told her I was not going to come to the memorial service cause if I seen him I would literally yell at him and give him a heart attack.
Am I hurt by this? Not really. I am so used to all the abuse that he has done to me that it just kind of falls off of me, as if it never happened. Will I remember this? Yes, I will and I hate the fact that I will, because I hate remembering hurtful things that he has always said to me. It is something that I wish I could just put behind me and walk away from. Maybe with this life style change that might be happening with in the next couple months…maybe than it would be my time to walk away from all the bullshit that he and I have caused each other. Or maybe I should just start now. Since I no longer call him “Father” or “Dad.” Something to think about, I guess or I should just do it and take that jump in my life. Well, this now brings me to something that I have been meaning to tell everyone that I am going to do once I get the go ahead to do this thing.
Many of you know who read my blogs, such as my close friends, a few family members is that I have always struggled with my weight since I can remember. Lately, I have found myself trying to avoid mirrors because I know when I do, I do not like what I see. I see that I am fat, I know I am fat, but inside I feel I am a completely different person than what everyone sees on the outside. Many of the people know the true me or what I feel is the true me. Over the years my life has definetly changed for the good. One thing that I have always wished for to change is my weight. I know when you loose weight it is a life style change. I have been thinking for the past year about doing a surgery which is called Gastric Bypass. I made an apointment with the Surgeon for the 18th to see what he says and to see if I would qualify. He would send a letter off to my medical insurance provider, they would look it over and than respond back. If I qualify than I would go and make the appointment for the surgery and get all the necessary precautions done first and we will go from there.
I know that I need all the support I can get, for my whole life I have felt that no one really has supported my journey in what I love to do and the chearing on the side lines. If this surgery happens I am going to be updating my progress by YouTube or by pictures or something like that. I have many people that I talk to online and that I have got to know really well over the years.
I feel this blog should end here. Yet, I will continue to write. It sure has been awhile since I have written a poem or a short story. Well, love is always appreciated, thanks for reading even if I am not say it enough.
Love ~ Lesh
Mysterious Writer 