Some say, that ‘Change is Inevitable.’ Change, I believe is one of the hardest things to except, in someone’s life, whether your own, mine or anyone else’s. Sometimes you have no idea, when it will begin, when it will end, and when it will start. My life is all about change; it is even hard for me to accept change. Yet, I seem to fall into a pattern once change happens. I do not know where life is headed, and that scares me quite a bit, because I feel everyone is farther in life than I am at the point of who I am. Some are married, some have kids, and some even have all of that, plus a career.
I always wonder when it will be my time. When will that guy come in, and sweep me off my feet and when will my career begin? I will never know, but I hope it is soon.
In a past blog, back in January of 2009, I wrote about a dream where there was a frog that had landed on my leg. Since that dream, I have come across many frogs, whether they were by the door to my apartment, my mom’s place, a park, or even a store; when something was majorly changing. In January of 2009, I met a few people that I know longer call friends, the moment I cut them out of my life, I found myself Happier, I found myself somewhat Less Stressed, and I found a frog on the top of my tire wheel, even though it was a toy, left by one of the apartment kids. When I moved in with my mom, there was a frog at her back door one night, and just recently this past week, there was a frog by the front door. I have looked up frogs, and the meaning behind them. Many sites have explained that it is a Japanese, Good Luck charm when you see a frog, and when having a frog that faces the door, it is to bring happiness into your home.
What ever has happened in life, I find myself struggling with a few things as I get older. I also find myself going back to when I was just a teen, and how I had felt, and how some of those feelings are still there. I continue to ask myself, “What the hell am I doing?” Why does something so little make me so upset, and why do I feel like people are not hearing a word that I am saying? These are just some constant questions that I have. Moving on is one of the hardest things that I have done, and have to do.
Growing up, there was not much change but as I got older into my 20’s, I still have those constant wonders of:
Do people like me?
How do people know who I am?
Why do I walk in the mall, and where I get recognized for some strange reason from all sorts of people, I find them staring?
Why do totally strangers come up to me?
What am I famous for?
Why do people have to judge me just because of the way I look, and how I act?
Why do I feel I am the dumbest person in all of the people I know, and in a crowd?
Why do I feel that people dislike me?
Why do I feel that I was not well liked in school?
I am sure many of you out there have had maybe similar questions. I see people around, and I see how their lives are, but I often wonder are their lives truly that happy. That I do not know everything is always different behind closed doors. I am growing up trying to find who I am as a person, and trying to remind myself that when I ask these questions about life changes, that I am right where I need to be.
Life is changing, and so far for the past couples days I have had this strange feeling come over me when I leave my current place, that I just recently moved into with a friend. Now every so often, I get feelings where something good is going to happen, and this is one of those feelings – kind of. I really do not know how to explain it, ever since I have seen that frog by my mom’s front door. I feel something is going to happen, I just do not know what, and it is driving me a little nuts. Since these feelings have started, this blog has appeared in my head, and it was telling me to write it, to just go for it.
So, here I am. Where do I begin? Where do I start? Currently there is a detour in this ever changing life that I lead. Do I go right? Left? Because what I see straight ahead is just a never ending battle of questions that leads me back to my past. It is time to move on, so I think I will go right, because that is how I get out of my desk chair, If I go left, I walk into a wall – which is never a good thing. Basically I am going to start days off with just one foot in front of the other, and take one step at a time.
Yet, the saying is true, “Change is Inevitable.”
“Never is one thing in life, ever the same.” Alesha Hackett 9/4/10 – I should copyright that, Google is not pulling it up. :)
Mysterious Writer 